


Lines In the Dark

by imaginethat_peepshow



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fanart, mild body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 16:16:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16916163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginethat_peepshow/pseuds/imaginethat_peepshow
Summary: Izuru knew he should be thankful for his life. The damage he suffered at the hands of the Quincy should have meant the end. Yet every waking moment served to remind him that nothing was the same… it was not longer “his” life. Everything was different. He returns home expecting to find an end of his arranged engagement, but for his fiancee things aren't that simple.[More may be added later]





	1. Monster

_-I am a monster-_  
-Death alone does not end life-  
-A useless monster- 

 The hole in his chest was so much more than just a battle scar. It was more than nerve damage or muscle mutilation or even a lost limb. Soldiers lost limbs in war, even nobles saw that ugly truth. Even in their protected manses they saw veterans with wooden legs, or sleeves tied off where arms once were. The rods Captain Korotsuchi installed were so much more than a prosthetic. They were graphic and sickening in a way no stub of an amputation could ever be. 

Every breath he took was jarring. With one lung and half a diaphragm it was unbalanced and unsettling. Everything was off-balanced, left-heavy. The missing and damaged muscles left him just short of paralyzed from waist to neck. Who knew back and core muscles were so connected to  _everything else_? Wabisuke was about the heaviest thing he could lift with his right arm. Bending and shifting were impossible thanks to the rigidity of the rods holding him up. He was never comfortable, always stiff or sore or out of breath. 

 

_-You are beautiful-_  
-This arrangement for your love-  
-I don’t deserve it- 

 Izuru was slow to admit to himself there was another reason for his distress.  _You need to go see them._  He told himself.  _The longer you put it off the worse it will be._  He didn’t want to picture the look of horror on their faces, didn’t want to see it. Least of all hers… 

 He hated the very idea of leaving in the midst of rebuilding. But it was better than being under foot. And it wasn’t as if returning to his home district was some kind of vacation. He was no war hero. This was no triumphant homecoming. There would be no fanfare as he fell into the loving arms of the fiancée faithfully awaiting his return. 

 The engagement was arranged. Her parents approached him shortly after he became a seated officer. When they met he couldn’t find a reason to say no. Why she ever agreed, he couldn’t say. Even at the height of his confidence he never believed he was good enough for her. She was beautiful, warm, kind, and patient. Somehow she always managed to find the best in anything… even him. Their first kiss was tentative, experimental, but there was something like a spark in it. For years they cultivated a relationship that maybe one day would turn in to love. It made letting her down all the more painful. 

 Izuru decided not to hide the void. If they were going to see each other again, it was better to see each other plain.  _Maybe now she’ll see me for the monster I am_. Maybe now her faith in him would feel less like a knife. 

 

_-I see in their eyes-_  
-All the hate I bear myself-  
-It makes this easy - 

 The manse sat at the top of a hill. From the road he saw her waiting on the porch with her parents. Staggering up the slope, he kept his eyes on the ground. He didn’t want to picture their faces, didn’t want to see. 

 “Izuru…” Her voice cracked, her feet hit the ground, slapping in a sprint across the grass. Stopping short almost made her trip over the momentum of the lost embrace. 

“Yoruname…” His eyes stung and he couldn’t lift them from the ground. 

“Izuru…” She cupped his face in her hands, drawing his gaze to her tearful eyes. They said so much when she couldn’t find the words. “Thank goodness you’re alive.” “I’m so glad you survived.” “Everything is different now.” 

 His eyes slid over to her parents, unmoved from the porch. Their expressions said plenty as well. In their eyes he saw his own words. “Monster.” “Cripple.” “We cannot let our daughter marry such an undeserving burden.” Social constructs wouldn’t allow them to dismiss him only for the ugliness of his wound. They would watch him over the next few days. Once they decided on an objection, he would accept without protest and disappear from their lives. 

Dinner was awkward. Izuru and his would-be in-laws pretended in circles that they didn’t know the engagement was over. Yoruname was trying so hard to pretend everything was the same that he couldn’t really read her. Then again, she was the kind of obedient daughter that wouldn’t protest even if her parents  _did_  make her go through with the marriage. She’d find the best in it, the way she always did. They’d have children, grow old, and eventually she’d love him around the scar and the baggage it brought. It was exactly why she’d be forever out of his reach. The day would never come that he deserved such grace. 

 They gave him his usual room across the hall from hers. Trusting them now more than ever not to cross any lines in the dark. He sent the attendant away almost immediately. Struggling to change clothes was embarrassing enough without strangers offering help. Tied loosely in a sleeping robe, he sat at the head of the futon with some difficulty. He knew better than to lay down before he was ready to sleep. It was an ordeal to get up once he was settled. Leaning against the wall was as close to comfortable as he could get. Through the open doors he could see the garden and the sunset beyond. 

 

_-Slow I drift to sleep-_  
-I see you in the moonlight-  
-You must be a dream- 

 “You shouldn’t sleep with the doors open.” Yoruname said softly. Izuru opened his eyes to find the room dark. “You’ll catch cold.” She carefully closed and latched each panel. 

 “Thanks.” He forced an empty smile. “It was getting kind of drafty.” He gestured to his chest. 

 “Are you cold?” Her steps were virtually silent as she approached. 

 “Don’t worry about me.” He said. 

“Impossible.” She sat on the edge of the futon beside him. Touching his cheek, she decided that his body temperature wasn’t concerning. Silence lingered like her fingertips on his skin. Through the dim light he could make out her expression, too full of mixed emotions to be clear. Her touch trailed down his neck, where she withdrew suddenly. “Can I…?” 

 “Yeah… if you really want to.” He looked away. Softly she brushed the fabric aside. The gentle caress of her fingers made him want to disappear. Tracing the edge of the void revealed the varying degrees of damage to his nerves. Some sections were completely numb, the faint pressure of her touch barely registered. Others were hypersensitive, burning under the heat of her skin. Sometimes the nerves got completely crossed, firing unwarranted shots of pain, tickling or itching, or… it was the unpredictable pangs like pleasure he hated most. 

 “It really is as bad as it looks…” There was a tinge of disappointment in her voice. 

 “Don’t worry, you won’t have to look at it much longer.” A weight lifted from his chest.  _She’s finally starting to see…_

“What do you mean?” She asked as if she didn’t already know the answer. 

 “We probably won’t meet again once the engagement is over.” 

 “Why would it be over?” Now she was just being stubborn.

 “Yoruname.” He sighed. “You deserve better than this. Your parents know that… and so do I. No one wants to make you go through with this.” 

“Do you not want to marry me, Izuru?” She asked pointedly. Even now he couldn’t bring himself to say no. “What do I have to do to make you believe that I want to be with you?” 

_Nothing could ever convince me of that…_

_-I never earned you-_  
-I will never deserve you-  
-Please… let me touch you- 

 Before he could stop her, she climbed on to his lap. He so hoped she wouldn’t notice the semi-hard bulge caused by her innocent touches. She seemed not to. Cupping his face in her hands, she angled his mouth to meet her soft, parted lips. Her kiss, earnest and urgent, stole the breath from his surviving lung until his head spun. 

“You don’t… you don’t have to do this.” Izuru practically gasped for air. 

“I want to.” She was breathless too, trembling in anticipation. 

_When she says it like that… how can I refuse her?_  They came together again in a series of heavy, unsteady kisses, perforated with breathy turns. The little spark he remembered had grown to a steady sizzle with time. But when their open mouths allowed contact between their waiting tongues it was a first. Suddenly they were miles away from the chaste arrangement they had known. 

He tried to shift his hips, to keep the growing swell there from touching her leg. But every time he did she inched closer, pressing her body against his until there was no way she couldn’t feel the truth. He could certainly feel the truth of every curve from her thighs to her shoulders. Why did their clothes have to be so thin? Soon there was nothing but a layer of damp silk between their most intimate skin. He couldn’t tell which of their nightclothes it belonged to, but he was glad for it. She ground her heat against his length and it throbbed with each stroke. All of this, he could forgive himself for as long as it went no further. Then, she pulled away the cloth separating them. 

 “Yoruname… don’t.” He pleaded as the warmth of her entrance seeped into his skin. 

 “Don’t you want to?” She breathed. Even now he couldn’t bring himself to say no. 

 “You should save yourself for your future husband.” He reasoned. 

 “ _You_  are my future husband.” She said with so much conviction he nearly believed it. “Sickness… health… just because we haven’t said the vows yet doesn’t mean I’m not prepared to honor them. And if my parents decide we can’t be together… I want you to leave with something no one can take away.”

 

_-You don’t understand-_  
-I’m dragging you down with me-  
-Even if you jump- 

 It wasn’t right, and he hated himself for giving in. The thought of tainting her, of ruining her for the husband she deserved made his stomach turn. But whoever he was, he wasn’t here. It was only the two of them and the emptiness and the selfishness and the pain. Her sweet words chased it all away. This glimmer of hope for a future together could justify anything. Fumbling amid the folds of their robes, she touched his shaft with a sense of curious anxiety. Some clumsy shifting saw her pressing the tip to her entrance while her other arm braced against the wall. 

 “You don’t have to do this.” He said again. In response, she sank down onto him. 

Izuru threw his head back against the wall, sucking air. She was so warm, so wet, so tight. Too tight. She yelped in pain and pulled back a little. Biting down on his lip, he went rigid so she could adjust. It was slow, but he would let her have an eternity if that’s what she needed. Fractions of inches at a time she took him inside her until finally she could rest her weight on his legs once again. In one beat they both relaxed, breathing heavily. 

 When she pulled away again she made a different kind of strangled sound and he made one to match. She came down on him again slowly, though still a blur compared to the first. Every contour was a wave of sensation over his length. They picked up speed at the same painstaking pace. Every adjustment took an age to settle. In time, Izuru allowed himself to buck his hips up to meet her. 

 “Don’t you want to touch me, Izuru?” She whispered, struggling to keep her volume down. 

 “Of course I do.” He moaned. His hands ached for her skin, her curves. Once he began, he feared he wouldn’t be able to stop. There wasn’t much feeling left in his right hand, but he could still feel the firm flesh under his palm. His left, however, found her soft, supple, glazed with cool sweat to contrast her hot skin. Opening her robe gave him unfettered access to every inch. With her arms vitally supporting her weight against the wall, she could do nothing but moan has he explored her body. Moan… and drop her hips harder. 

_I’m a monster…_ He told himself as the ecstasy of her body spread through his core. Only the worst kind of beast could accept something so undeserved. 

 “Oh, Izuru…” She sobbed, burying her face in his neck. “Izuru… I love you…” A cold stab shot through his gut and his eyes widened. 

_-As I fill your body-_  
-You fill the void in my soul-   
-You fill me with hope- 

 “… I love you too.”


	2. Audacity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoruname's parents are... less than understanding of her decision to still marry Izuru.

_-My soul full of hope -_  
-With this cruel comparison-  
-I may lose you yet-

Izuru wasn’t privy to the conversation between Yoruname and her parents when she told them she still wanted to marry him. All she said was that it didn’t go well. Meanwhile they went on pretending no such conversation occurred, pretending everything was fine and normal and going according to plan. However, they quite conspicuously started inviting additional guests to dinner. All of whom happened to be young, handsome, single noblemen. And of course it was just a coincidence that these visitors were always seated beside Izuru and across the table from Yoruname. 

It wasn’t clear if her parents warned her of their plan. Any sign of her knowledge or frustration was masked by her perfect manners. Most of the would-be suitors were blissfully ignorant of the suffocating awkwardness of it all. They were too occupied by the prospect of courting someone as beautiful and charming as Yoruname. Even when she was clenching her teeth and trying to be polite, she was still nothing short of enchanting.  

 _-Of course they love you-_  
-No mortal soul could resist-  
-The warmth of your smile-

This charade went on for weeks. Of course, her parents wouldn’t hear of him leaving in the middle of their scheme. Each excuse they gave was more transparent than the last, but he stayed nonetheless. It became clear that they didn’t even want her to choose a particular suitor. They just wanted her to walk away from the engagement, even if that didn’t mean walking straight into a new one.    
Every night after dinner, Izuru would retire to the room they gave him across the hall from Yoruname’s. Meanwhile, she would endure the formalities of her visitors. Usually they took a walk through the garden. Izuru saw them sometimes from his porch, walking and talking nearly an arm’s length apart. A few of the suitors were musicians or poets or writers, so instead of walking they sat with her in a private parlor to demonstrate their skills in hopes of impressing her.   
Then, at the end of the night, Izuru would have to listen to their earnest goodbyes at her bedroom door. They practically begged to see her again while she offered an array of kind but vague answers.

 _-Against our secret-_  
-This line we cross in the dark-  
-They don’t stand a chance-

There was one more element to the pattern that no one else knew about. Every night after the awkward dinners and futile courting, while the manse was quiet and its occupants slept, Yoruname crept across the hall and into his bed.

Night after night she stood by her decision and in defiance of her parents’ plan. Even Izuru’s pessimism couldn’t chip away at such a bold-faced choice. Maybe he would never stop doubting himself, but he could doubt her no longer. Simply the act of lying next to him was all the assurance he could ever need. But more often than not, she offered a more direct way to reassure him. So that the next day, when faced with another round of doubt and fear and heartache, he had something better to think about.

 _-Where once I was numb-_  
-I dare to feel jealousy-  
-You are mine to love-

When her parents made a point never to introduce him as Yoruname’s fiancé, he thought about her gentle kisses.   
When the would-be suitors sized him up and dismissed him as nonthreatening, he thought about the caress of her fingertips.   
While he sat beside the guest of the day so obviously meant to throw his flaws into contrast, he thought about the softness of her skin.   
When he watched Yoruname walk away with him, he thought about how good it felt to be inside her.   
When he was meant to stew in his jealousy, instead he thought of her tense little moans.   
When he felt ashamed and unworthy, the thought of the way she sighed his name.   
When he felt crippled and pathetic he thought about her weight on his hips and the ecstasy she brought when she rode him.   
When he laid down alone in his bed he thought about the beautiful, desperate face she made as she worked herself up to a climax.   
When the suitors said their sweet goodbyes, he felt sorry for them. Sorry for their heartfelt but wasted effort because he knew where her heart and her mind truly were.

 _-How did this love grow-_  
-Roots so deep and powerful-  
-In soil made of doubt-

And when night fell again, and she crawled on top of him to remind him anew, he thought about how no other man would ever know how it felt to be her first. And he dared to hope no other man would ever know how it felt to be with her at all.


	3. Belief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuru wants to believe that the marriage will still go forward, but he still needs some convincing.

“So _then_ ,” Yoruname covered her mouth with one hand to stop her laughter from growing too un-ladylike. “Then he starts singing this awful song that he swore was written for me, but wait, wait.” Beside her, Izuru was nearly bent double from laughter, or as close as he could be with his limited range. “Not only did he get my eye color wrong, but he sang of my sisters. Of which I have none.” 

“Unbelievable.” He squeezed her hand and righted himself so they could continue. The stream of suitors had ebbed so they were afforded the chance to walk the garden together for once. 

“Mother actually apologized for that one.” She reflected. 

“That’s… truly unbelievable.” He muttered. 

“I doubt she’ll ever apologize for the whole mess, but… she’ll come around.” She promised. 

“You really think so?” He wasn’t convinced.

“Father already has.” She said. That took him aback. 

“What makes you say that?” He required. 

“Haven’t you noticed? He stopped coming to dinner if mother has suitors to table.” In fact, he had not noticed. The lord of the manor was absent from the dinner table often enough for stately matters that such a pattern wasn’t clear. At least to him. But Yoruname knew her father well, and Izuru was inclined to believe her observations. 

“I’m not sure _I’m_ ready for her to come around.” He said in what he thought was a teasing tone. “You visit my room more often when there are more suitors around.” Instead of laughing, she looked mortified, her hand covering her mouth again. He could see the searching in her wide eyes for the right words to apologize. 

“No, no I didn’t mean- It’s not- I didn’t realize-”

“Calm down.” He tugged her hand so she leaned forward enough for him to kiss her temple, quieting her as he had his own anxieties night after night. “I’m only kidding.” 

“But it isn’t funny!” She protested. 

“I’m sorry. Now tell me, was your latest suitor through embarrassing himself or was there more?” 

“No, thank the gods he left after that… Oh! But the one from the last week, you remember the artist who tried to make a gift of that massive ugly painting that couldn’t even fit through the door?” She railed. 

“Uhg. Yes.” Izuru rolled his eyes. Of all the suitors,  _that one_  had been the most pretentious. 

“He sent me a letter yesterday.” She continued. “I expected it to be full of the usual pleasantries, ‘thank you and I hope to see you again’ and all that, but no, it was a charcoal sketch of me  _naked_  and an invitation for him to correct any inaccuracies I found. Can you believe that?!” 

“Yes.” He said flatly. Then he smiled to himself. “I’d be happy to write him a response with my assessment, if you’d like.” She gasped, scandalized. 

“You will not.” The laughter crept back into her voice though. 

“But what could you know, what beauty rests in my arms, you will never see.” He suggested. 

“Was that a haiku? That was another haiku. Do all of your thoughts automatically form in five-seven-five?” She groaned. 

“Wait, I have a better one. How about this: you are a pervert, keep your dirty mind away, from my fiancée.” Ha almost lost the last line to laughter. Yoruname laughed so hard tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. 

They worked out a few more poems in response to the letter, then a few more for some of the other standout fools. They took another lap around the garden and then another after that until the sun went down behind their backs and the grounds grew too dark to navigate without a lantern. 

They stopped at the porch outside Izuru’s room. Not quite ready to turn in for the night, Yoruname half-hopped up to sit on the edge of the wood surface. Izuru knew better than to attempt the same, but he stole a kiss from her conveniently-kissing-height lips before going the few steps further down to the stairs. Or would have rather. He didn’t make it to the stairs. The kiss kept going instead. She wrapped her arms around his neck to keep him there longer still.   
Before he knew it her legs were around him too, the silks of her kimono bunching at her hips. He settled there between her thighs, hands drinking her curves. Silk felt like little more than air under the damaged nerves of his right hand, but her flesh was warm underneath and that made him hungry for more. 

“Should we go inside?” He nudged her hips with his, the motion sending a jolt of excitement through his core. 

“Why? I kind of like this.” She confessed.

“Someone might see.” He pointed out. 

“Who?” She was lost, trailing kisses down his neck until his head was too fogged to be anxious. The foliage pressed close here, it would be a feat for anyone to see them by accident. Besides, it was getting dark. Who would recognize them and what could they prove? But above all that was this promising change in perspective that enticed him onward. 

Standing like this, with her heat so perfectly positioned, he could move naturally. Maybe for once she wouldn’t have to do all the work. A concept it seemed she was equally as eager to explore. Some fumbling saw him free of his clothes, at least enough to press himself against the channel between her legs.  

Silk felt  _entirely_  different here, where his shaft was as enveloped in the layers of cloth as it was by the heat of her skin. It made him shudder, the chill lingering on the back of his neck. Yet inside her was better still, soft and smooth like nothing else could be. 

At first he went slow, testing the control of the damaged muscle groups required. Then a little faster, a little harder. Yoruname hummed approvingly at the change, careful now more than ever not to be too loud in her pleasure. Soon he was gripping her thighs for balance as he thrust into her heat with full force. 

Gods it felt so good to just be able to fuck her. Every time she rode him was ecstasy, but this was something he didn’t realize he needed. So much of his life now centered around his new limitations. Careful this and slowly that and then there were the things that just weren’t possible anymore. This one simple thing felt so near to normal that it became everything for that moment. 

“ _Izuru…_ ” She choked on his name as she struggled not to cry out. “Izuru it feels so good…” She clung to his shirt and buried her face in his shoulder. Vibrations from her silenced moans transferred from her mouth to his skin with every drive. “Don’t stop… don’t stop…” She pleaded, as if he would ever want to. 

She bit down on his collarbone when she came, her whole body shuddering around him. Pain shot through his chest and up his neck, nerves crossed with the waves of pleasure rolling up from his core. For a second he was paralyzed as every muscle in his body tensed at once. The first to release was his throat, letting out a strangled sort of groan. Then all the rest released their tension and spilled out inside her. 

“Stay with me tonight.” He touched his forehead to hers. “Please… please sleep next to me tonight.”

“… Of course.” She smiled so wide and bright he swore it lit up the whole night. 


End file.
